A leading UK lawyer reveals the top five ways to protect your marriage from divorce

No-fault divorce, introduced this week, makes it easier and faster for couples to end their marriages.

Divorce applications soared by nearly half just a week after the ‘no fault’ law came into force, according to yesterday’s figures.

Around 3,000 couples have called for an end to their marriages since the rules, which do not require couples to apportion blame, began last Wednesday in England and Wales.

Lawyers said it was almost 50% more than in a typical week.

This has fueled fears it could lead to a spike in divorces. But divorce lawyer Ayesha Vardag has warned that divorce should not become “the default option” when a relationship crumbles.

Here, Ayesha shares some tips on the best ways to overcome marital problems without going to the lawyer, from looking into the issues to figure out what you’re fighting for…

1. Decide if there is still something to defend

There will always be situations where the marriage is definitely over, especially if there is some form of abuse.

But after that it depends on the couple’s perspective on what is accepted and what you can never go back from. Some questions may be impossible to answer while others may have solutions if you talk about them.

Sitting down and talking about where things are going wrong can give you time to figure out if there is still something to defend.

2. Look into the problem

It’s also very easy to drift away from your spouse when times are tough. But it can be more damaging in the long run. Like any living being, a marriage must be nurtured and cared for.

You need to spend time together and nurture the marriage with positive experiences. If your marriage survives on purely negative interactions, it will obviously wither and die.

Try not to focus on what your partner did wrong, but on what you can work on together as a partnership to make sure they survive.

We will all make mistakes, but it’s how both parties react to it that will determine what happens to the marriage.

3. Don’t talk about divorce as a knee-jerk reaction.

If you are having trouble, don’t immediately start talking about divorce – it’s neither helpful nor healthy.

Instead, focus on the marriage itself and what you and he need to make it work.

Recognize why you got into this situation and what needs to change to prevent it from happening again.

I believe deeply in the power of reconciliation, and sometimes all it takes is for both parties to sit down and approach it as a viable option.

It is surprising how fundamentally contradictory things become in a divorce. I think it’s because there are so many things at stake for people: their life’s work, their children, their home.

Anger and pain can so easily blind people. It is therefore important to do your best to look past these emotions, as they are very often destructive and debilitating and people become very intransigent over the small, insignificant things.

4. Be willing to listen and fight for each other

It may sound cliché, but a marriage is a partnership and both parties need to be willing to work through it and think about their partner’s needs and wants.

If someone feels like they’re not being heard, that causes damage that’s hard to overcome.

Listen to each other and be prepared to fight for each other rather than giving in when the going gets tough.

So if your marriage is struggling, stop and reflect. Discuss things. Remember why you got married and the things you love about each other.

Rationalize what went wrong. Is it really so bad that you wanted to end your life together completely. Did you really separate or did you just change, and now it’s important to regroup and find out what new loves you could share?

And knowing that the law now supports an easier end to marriage means that your energies can instead be directed to determine if, instead, it can be saved.

5. If you get divorced, don’t get bogged down in regret

Don’t get bogged down in regret. And don’t worry if people judge you. I hope the shift to no-fault divorce will make society less critical of the end of marriages.

There seems to be an irresistible temptation for those around a couple to weigh judgmentally and take sides, especially when adultery is at stake.

They don’t understand that much of what drives people to break up is hidden beneath the surface of marriage. And what people at this crossroads in their lives need is support for their future, not judgment on their past.

As a divorce lawyer, you must have a real understanding and compassion for human nature and take it as it comes.

This is why I campaigned for no-fault divorce to become law in the first place – because divorce should not be confused with animosity, backbiting, shame or guilt.

People break up, it happens, it’s quite natural when you have long lives and free and independent people that they can change in different ways and want to go in new directions. That shouldn’t be a bad thing.

One chapter ends, another begins, and if you embark on that next chapter, it can become the wonderful time of your life.